She has a way with words

This photo has nothing to do with the story I am about to share with you.  I just like this photo. It’s of our neighbor’s dairy herd set against the Appalachian Mountains.  These cows are here at this spot every morning when I take the youngins to school. Makes me smile every morning.  (Unless, it is one of those mornings, if you smell what I am stepping in.)

Okay, the story.

Yesterday, I went to a mother-daughter banquet at Cranky’s grandmother’s church.  Got that?  Anyway, every year, Grandma always invites me and my little girl because since Grandma is the mother of five children, lots of grandchildren and tons of great-grandchildren, she always gets the best door prize for the mother with the most offspring.  I just love Tommy’s Grandma.  She is 86 years old and the sweetest Grandma. And she loves the door prizes at the mother-daughter banquet. 

So, of course, my little girl and myself were all gussied up in our finest attire, which translates into cowgirl boots and a pretty dress.  Yes, my girl does wear dresses…just always with cowgirl boots.  We arrived fashionably late, as always.  We were doing farm chores all day yesterday and could not quite get everything done in time to make it to the banquet on time.  The farm chores consisted of moving pigs and castrating them which will play into my story shortly.

Anyway, we sat down with our plates full of food to a whole table of Grandma’s kin and some of her womenfolk friends.  Those dear women are Grandma’s oldest friends and are very sweet but I know not a one of them has ever set foot on a farm of any kind in their whole lives.  I guess, hoyty-toyty would be a great word to describe those women.  To make conversation with the late arrivals and to make us feel welcome, Grandma leaned over to our girl and asked, “So, what is happening on the farm today?”  My girl answered in all the honesty that she possesses, “Well, Grandma, not much but that boar hog of ours doesn’t have his balls anymore. You should have see the size of them too. His balls were huge!” And she took another bite of ham.

Grandma’s one friend made some type of choking cough, Grandma merely said, “Ohhh, I see” and the rest of the table just chuckled.  Me? I crawled under the table.

This is the same girl who when we sent her off to kindergarten last fall, we had to work on some basics.  Not writing her name,  remembering her teacher’s name or working on the alphabet or numbers basics.  No, she mastered those with no problem.  The biggest worry I had was her using the word, “shit” in school.  My fears were erased early on when on the way to school the first day, she excitely announced, “Momma, I finally understand.  Cows and pigs go shit, I go to the bathroom!”  She gets her matter of factness honestly.  It’s all my mother’s fault.

Oh, by the way, Grandma got her door prize.



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9 responses to “She has a way with words

  1. Yours sounds a whole lot like ours…sometimes I just hold my breath when she starts in saying something. It seems she hears a lot better than she lets on most times so there are stories and words she ought not have heard neatly filled away for use in the most inappropriate setting.

  2. Pam

    So funny. Love that Grandma didn’t have a cow about it. By the way, is that Grandma not a farm woman? One of my Grandmas was hoyty toyty. What a pain. My mother went 100 degrees in the opposite direction herself…but she didn’t let her girls use the same words as she did (I am talking curse words here). As for me there are words I don’t like, but my daughter-in-law has no problem with them….Life is crazy when you put together all kinds of family cultures.
    Glad to hear from you. I know you are crazy busy right now!!

  3. City Slicker

    Thanks for the laugh Jude! I needed that today!

  4. I wondered what was keeping you from blogging 😉 Perfect story, and good for G-ma not being too surprised.

    When the preacher at my girlfriend’s church asked my girlfriends daughter why her Mom wasn’t at church one day, she replied, “she’s home with Horny, he doesn’t feel good!” Horny was their butcher steer… .

  5. Thanks for that great story. I just love that gal! Are you sure we’re not related? Could have been one of my granddaughters. Their mothers are sometimes mortified when the kids tell them what they’ve done when they visit their grandma’s farm.

  6. Beautiful! I am so proud when my precious little daughter says words like balls and nuts and fart and so on…it brings a smile to my face and a tear to my eye….and usually an elbow from my wife!

  7. OMG!! Cheesy! I just read about your barn! I am SO SO SORRY!! how terrible that must/and still be! I was desperatly searching your blog for an email, but found none!! I hope your doing well and that the kids are better – again my heartfelt wish’s for you all…. I wont stay away so long next time either!! your on my google reader now!!

  8. Renee

    You made me laugh:)


  9. Oh MY! What a laugh! Just think of all the entertainment your kids provide you!

    I had to teach my kids early that just because at home they can pretty much go to the bathroom anywhere, in town, that’s NOT okay. Yes, it’s happened too many times.

    Thanks for the laugh.

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